two things

1. My longstanding friend with benefits officially cancelled our arrangement because he has a real girlfriend now and I’m sad about it. He has the best dick I’ve ever seen and he knows about my kink and I like to look up the length of his cock from being on my knees and feel small.

2. I’ve yet to write a word of any kind of submission for Cruel January, and school’s back on now so unless a full-fledged story comes to me tonight/this morning, it’s definitely not going to happen. Is there a process by which I can/should drop out? And honestly, I realized that I don’t even WANT to write my OWN unintentional cruelty story… I want someone ELSE to write one for me. Or rp one with me. But I also don’t have an rp partner right now. Unless someone here wants to try. But I have kind of high standards–no offense.

did something i'd never done before

Hooked up with a dude in a open/polyamorus marriage on the first day of this new year 2020. I’d call him a new friend, not just a hook up. It was fun, but the sexytimes weren’t that great, and even though we’d talked about my kinks before, he didn’t do anything to make me feel small… I feel like he’s totally not into the size thing, which is disappointing because we’re on both very friendly terms and sexy terms, so he’d be a prime candidate to just talk size kink with casually, but I don’t think he’s really interested. But if I said something specific, he’d probably say size things during sexytimes if we do it again.

Just occurred to me that he’s the first younger guy I’ve ever done anything with. Hmm.

Though I REALLY want to hook up with my standing fwb as a treat to myself for my birthday this weekend, even though we never do size stuff and it’s just me doing what I do (sucking dick), but he has such a nice one and he’s so beautiful overall, I just wanna look at it/him from that on-my-knees angle…

update

I did in fact sign up to participate in CruelJan, but have yet to have any ideas. I wish I had a steady (and umm… good?) rp partner to practice with/bounce ideas off of, but that’s not a thing I have in my life any more… My life is a sad, kinky soap opera. But it’s actually really boring, so maybe not.

addendum

So earlier I was talking about this tumblr post that I was having feelings about, but I couldn’t link my commentary because tumblr sensitive content blah blah blah, but Olo pointed out that uhhh… I could just copy and paste? So duh.
The original post that prompted my commentary is HERE, and it NOT on an nsfw blog I guess, so I can actually link it. And then here’s my commentary thus far:

I just recently reblogged this (from the queue), and I had to reblog again… this hits me hard, emotionally. It’s so beautiful. And like, I can feel how it hurts, like I feel like I can relate, even though being small is generally a comfort thing for me. I WANT to be small so I can feel okay and be safe, but… being small is also scary. And I think what I’m getting most here–I don’t know if from the art or just from my psyche–is that… being small can hurt too because of how you put strain on that person who KEEPS you safe. And the caption about no belonging… I feel like I want to be small with my tall so that I finally have a place to belong, but like… what if I DON’T belong, once it’s all said and done? What if I still don’t belong? What if I just get in the way? 

… I have honestly NEVER thought about any of that consciously before now. Big day for feelings over here on micromacromine. 

Thanks to @territorial-utopia for the beautiful art and the self-reflection.”

For he record, my tumblr is still micromacromine, but I don’t do that much on tumblr anymore. I’ve kind of moved to Fetlife, actually, even though that’s not great either. I live in the goddamn middle of nowhere though, so no events are ever close enough for me to attend, and the size scene there is TOTALLY dead.

ANYWAY

Thanks for reading my bullshit, guys.

Happy holiday season!

some scattered comments

  1. I know I’ve not been very active on here yet, but I’ve been… yeah: I’ve been horny, so I had to come here to talk about it since tumblr doesn’t like that kind of thing any more.

2. In my time spent here though, I’ve not really been interacting with other people’s posts because… I haven’t been reading them. I want to, but I just have the attention span of a 3-year-old these days.

3. I haven’t been writing actual size stories here either because… again, I have a worthless attention span and honestly, I’m just kind of sad and lonely and want someone else to do that for me. Like, I want a partner to rp with so I don’t have to come up with it all myself and all BY myself. So… yeah. Working on that, I guess? Possibly got a real life someone to do that with on the horizon? He said he’s kind of a furry and has seen a lot of furry size kink art, so… maybe we’ve got some common ground there.

4. I AM still on tumblr if anyone’s interested. Though I should really be telling people on TUMBLR that I’m also over HERE. There are still people who I know would be interested in the nsfw stuff.

5. I’m also on giantesscity and I am in love with Goldfish over there. (Also Olo, but all his stuff is on here too.)

6. I saw a post back over on tumblr recently that gave me A Lot of Feelings and I might come over here and write some more about it, and I was gonna link my reblog and beginning commentary here but I CAN’T BECAUSE TUMBLR IS A LITTLE BITCH and won’t let me permalink to my OWN goddamn post because MY blog “might contain sensitive content.” So here’s the original–it’s really beautiful.