spring

I know I don’t post much here, but I’m in a weird mood right now and I’d like to “talk” to you for a bit.

My last few posts here were… very clinically depressed. Right at this moment I am not feeling fantastic, but these past several weeks have been AMAZING. I started taking trazodone and it has changed my fucking life. People tend to talk about psych meds by saying that they’ll make you “feel like your old self,” and I never thought that would happen to me at this point; I thought there was no more of that old self, but HOLY HOLY HOLY, there is! I am so full of life again, and I am so, so glad and relieved because CHRIST, I was in a real bad way.

I am still largely Alone, but I am handling it better and occupying my time by playing trumpet again (!) and being able to GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE, which is a pretty huge deal for me. However, there is news on the social interaction front:

I had a date. And we are having a date again this week. He is definitely my type looks-wise: tall, dark hair, glasses, skinny emo boy-looking. I had a really nice time last week, but… we also went to town already, even though I wanted to hold off on it, and… I said so. But we ended up there anyway. So I have… feelings about that. But: he is a weird perv and I already told him I like size stuff and he seemed totally cool with it and I think probably willing to indulge it. He also pinched/twisted my nipples and I did not know how good that was going to feel, so, thanks, man.

I also had another Ted Danson sizey dream last night, so that was exciting, but part of it was kind of a nightmare. Balance, I guess.

Lots of “big” things on the horizon in my life right now: graduating, starting a new job, this guy I may or may not be “dating,” moving into my own place, financial issues, etc.

And now twitter bullshit is happening. I fucking hate change, and so I am not liking the prospect of the size community having to “move” again, but… wherever y’all go, you know I’m gonna follow.

Also, I wrote a fucking poem today, so I’m feeling good about that.