Public Journal Entry


I had a hymenotomy, right? And all went well, very little pain after, feeling good, looking forward to getting fucking railed for the first time ever, and I know just the guy. Then this Thursday and I had my follow-up appointment, and said yep, feel fine, no issues at all, and they’re like “good, good, good.” When I was under for the surgery, they did the general exam and a pap smear, but there was blood for the surgery in the sample for the pap smear, so at the follow-up they say, “okay, so we should just do another one now since you’re already here” and I’m like, “okay, yeah, I’m already here, and since the surgery, there should be no problem.” WELL GUESS WHAT. There WAS problem. Even when he was just touching me, not inserting anything, I was like, “oh, no.” Like, just… not comfortable at all, and then I was way too tensed up and it hurt too much to do the fucking pap smear. And I cried a little bit, and felt like a fucking idiot. I thought the hymenotomy was going to magically fix all my gynecological issues, BUT I GUESS THE FUCK NOT. So that’s definitely going to take some time to process and just… deal with. The doctor asked if I have a partner and I’m like, “WELL,” because I do have my fwb, but… he is not the guy to “take it slow” and “practice” with and potentially CRY IN FRONT OF, so that’s great. So the doctor said I should practice on my own with tampons and stuff and I’m like, “I did not want to do that.” And he said that my first time doing p-in-v sex is probably going to be really uncomfortable so… great. Great great great.

… I did lose a few pounds though. So. Yeah. Getting less fat and more fuckable, but still not logistically fuckable.

2 thoughts on “Public Journal Entry

  1. I hear you with the disappointment in not getting an instantaneous solution. I’ve tried lots of medications that did little or nothing for my issues. Magic cures only exist in advertisements.

    I don’t know what kinds of therapy you have available to you, but it seems you need to talk to someone who has a vagina to sort out what it is you actually want and how to achieve it. If you’re not comfortable with yourself, sex isn’t going to be fun.

    Don’t worry about your weight. Anyone who’s going care enough about you to sex you right won’t let that stop them.


    1. Sorry that you’re familiar with a shitty situation. </3 I've been around the block with not great doctors and such, so if you ever want to vent about it, I am available to empathetic and supportive.

      Yeah, the doctor also mentioned "therapy" but I don't know exactly what kind of therapy he meant…

      And thank you. My fwb actually doesn't give a shit about my weight, and that's always an ego boost. He said that I have such a pretty face and I suck dick so well, the rest doesn't matter.


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