Apollonia Saintclair 235 – 20121114 Le dragon ascendant (Dragon ascending)

Fotocredits: unknown

“The story of human intimacy is one of constantly allowing ourselves to see those we love most deeply in a new, more fractured light. Look hard. Risk that.”

–Cheryl Strayed

I remember having such a hard time learning to let another person put their face between my legs. It took me many tries to trust them enough to the point where I could let myself enjoy the sensations. 

It’s odd for me to remember that, considering how much I enjoy the thought of being a Giantess and letting tinies explore my body. I needed to feel my own strength in the face of that kind of vulnerability, I suppose. 

Sex and intimacy require trust, but trust requires practice. I wish someone had told me that sex takes practice.

Orgasms take practice. Kinks make that easier, of course. But even building and using kink fantasies takes practice. I used to need a lot of time to get into the headspace. But before long I was able to straddle your face and ride you while I felt myself grow and grow and grow. 

I wish I had known that you don’t need to be an amazing lover when you start out. That you can have truly amazing, memorable, messy, hilarious sex even when you haven’t had a lot of practice. Hell, I wish someone told me that sex could be hilarious, and that sharing laughter with a lover during sex is one of the best and most precious feelings in the world.

Of course, you can’t laugh with someone until you trust them, and they trust you. That kind of shared intimacy is a risk. It takes time and patience and practice. And more than a little growth.

I love this image, and I love the thoughts it evoked for me a year ago.

When it comes to sex, sexuality, and sensuality in general, I’ve been out of practice, lately. I’m glad to feel those feelings growing again.

Personally, I’m not particularly into the picture, but WOW, the commentary is so fucking relevant to my life right now. I used to think I was demisexual (before I even knew that word) because of how much I needed to KNOW/TRUST someone before I felt anything sexual towards them, let alone let them anywhere near me, but in the past couple years my life has taken a few dramatic turns and I found myself an apathetic whore, in addition to totally losing my libido (I’m on several medications which I think are to blame, but I’ve recently gone off one really potent one, and I think it might be slowly coming back???) (which is why I’ve been so absent from this blog). But recently I’ve met this guy who I have potentially real, significant feelings for, and I kind of had a sex date with him the other night, and we talked about what we were each okay with and not okay with, and I told him that I don’t do regular missionary sex because I have vagina issues and that I basically just suck dick, so that’s what I ended up doing, and while I was down on him he asked if I’d ever been eaten out and I was like, “uh, no…” and he was like, “do you have any interest in it?” and again I was like, panicky, “uh, no…” And I’ve had that conversation with just about every guy I’ve been with. But I am so, so… both scared and embarrassed to have someone’s FACE all up in my fucking VAGINA. But since I can’t put anything substantial actually in my vagina (I think I have vaginismus?), like my former boyfriend suggested severeal times, “how about a mouth?” But it freaks me the fuck out. And I am 1000% a service sub, so I’m more concerned about getting the other person off and making them feel good than about getting “off” myself (I’ve actually never had an orgasm, but, you know…)–and like, I still get turned on (or did when I was physically capable of being turned on) by seeing them getting turned on, or by doing the foreplay stuff like making out and getting my boobs handled and whatever. WOW, A WALL OF TEXT AND A LOT OF THINGS I’VE NEVER MENTIONED ON THIS BLOG BEFORE. YIKES.

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